the thunder is a comforting sound.
maybe it's because we associate thunder with anger, and after all..we are angry people.

the cool air that is coming in from my window is even more comforting, almost inspiring.
it reminds me of being young, extremely young- lets say, 5 or 6 years old. im sitting there with my mother and she holds me as the nights air flows into the room. the light from the tv explodes the room while my eyes slowly drift into a peaceful, innocent sleep.

those days seem long gone.
innocence does not exist any more.
our hands are stained, and in the end.. we're angry.

my anger leads to sleepless nights of tossing and turning. its frustrating when you realize that life isn't necessarily about you. you get called to bigger things that cause you to lay your pride and selfishness on the side. sometimes referred to a leap of faith and sometimes referred to as stupidity. you form the decision.

after hours of insomnia, my eyelids begin to shut. then, a slip into lucid dreaming- and although i know i am aware of what is going on, i still have no control.

once again, thunder. anger. goodbye innocence. goodbye childhood.

now, the nights air is only a painful reminder of it all. there are no more pleasant memories of my childhood in existence. the cool air in my lungs makes my body revolt.

wait for normalcy. mothers arms will hold you once again and you will see anger only in the eyes of a child. go away stains, return to innocence. leave me be anger, i admit that my flesh and blood are traitors. i confess my anger.

for english class we had to do a writing project. our rules were to write what comes to our mind and be honest.

i decided to be different and write a letter. this isnt directed toward anybody just a letter that came to my mind. i guess it could be about hope orsomething i dont know. its weird. maybe you will find it weird like i did.



my sweet dear,

it has come to my attention, which happens very rarely, that you my friend are not what you seem. your surface is only the beginning. indeed, you are much more.

stop lowering yourself to the altitudes of vision and begin to explore the heights of your own imagination. stop listening to those around you for they are not your allies. your fears coward you into that same corner repetitively. as you ball up with your "not-so" straightened hair, clenched fist, and pale skin, your vision begins to blur. as the uneasiness sets in you begin to realize.

you realize. indeed, you are much more.

wake up, you who are so sleepy. come forth into the light so that the darkness no longer hides the whites of your eyes. your hibernating days are over.

i am extremely bored. so i did this.

100
Body: 1. are you ready for 100 questions?
god, this will be the worst survey ever

2. Do you watch college football?
yes, and college basketball

3. Who will fill this survey out after you?
adair?

4. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
jeremy

5. Do you love anyone?
plent of people

6. Are you happy?
yes

7. Where was the last place you went shopping?
gap

8. how do u feel about ur hair?
its way to gray

9. Where do you work?
first baptist clks, first baptist st.b and the gas lantern.

10. Last thing you ate/drank?
creamsoda, cookies

11. Do you wish you were someplace else right now?
no, i like my bed

12. Do you have any pet peeves?
sure, sharing a toothbrush, people who play with their feet

13. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
no

14. AIM or Yahoo?
either

15. Do you like math?
no, and i had to do highschool geometry today for someone and thought i was going to die.

16. How many hours on average do you work a week:
20-30

18. Favorite baseball team?
braves

19. Favorte NBA team?
not a nba fan

20. Do you watch the Olympics?
not really, but the spring board interest me

21. Last restaurant you went to?
moss's

22. Who was the last person to call you?
...haha

23. What’s your sign?
cancer

24. Do you have a favorite number?
14

26. What do you spend the majority of your money on?
gas

27. Where does your family live?
everywhere

28. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
1 sister

29. Ever been called a bitch?
ah yea

30. Got any guilty pleasures?
sure

31. Do you drink beer?
no, not a fan

32. Whats your favorite color?
some form of dark blue or green

33. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?
no

34. Ever bought anything online?
yes

35. Myspace or Facebook?
either

36. Do you have T-Mobile?
god no

37. Do you sometimes wish you were someone else?
no

39.Ever been in love?
well the thing is, if you've been "in love" then you d still be in love. it takes two to make it love and love doesnt stop even if your apart or whatever.

40. ....
dumb

41. Last time you saw your parents?
a week ago

42. Do you have any talents?
for some reason im musically talented

43. Ever been in a wedding?
yes, played for about 100 of them

44. Do you have any children?
no, thats a few more years down the road

45. Last movie you watched?
SUPERBAD

46. Are you missing anyone at the moment?
yes

47. Did you take a nap today?
yes

49. Ever been on a cruise?
yes

50. Did you notice number 40 was missing?
no

52. Do you have any wealthy friends?
yes

53. Ever met anyone famous before?
yes, rascall flatts

54. Favorite actor?
?


56. Are you multi-tasking right now?
no

57. Could you handle being in the military?
if it came to it yes

58. Are you hungry or thirsty?
no

59. Favorite fast food restaurant?
mcd's

61. What is your average cell phone bill?
109

62. Do you own a camera phone?
yea who doesnt

63. Ever had to take a sobriety test?
yes

64. Do you believe in Karma?
no

65. Can you speak any other languages?
no

66. Last time you went to the gym or worked out?
a month ago

67. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
5

68. Do you have a photo hosting site that you use?
yes

69. Last place you were?
in the church parking lot

70. What is your favorite college mascot?
vols

71. Ever been to Las Vegas?
yes

76. Have you ever been gambling?
yes

77. How old are your parents?
46

78. When is the last time you updated your blog?
a while ago

79. Do you have your wisdom teeth?
no

80. Favorite place to be?
man, this would take a while to explain

81. Have you been to New York City?
no but soon

82 Favorite sit down restaurant?
j alexanders

83. Ever been to Disney Land?
yes

84. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
no

85. Last thing you cooked?
cookies

86. How is the weather today?
not bad

87. Do you email?
yes

88. Last letter/piece of mail you received besides junk or a bill?
dont know

89. Last missed call?
bryan

91. Last voicemail you received?
steve moore

92. Do you text??
yes

94. What is the best city in the state that you live in?
nashville/memphis

96. Did you just die?
whattttttt

97. Are you bored right now?
no

98. Last concert you went to?
copeland

99. What do you think about before you go to bed?
to much, thats probably why i have sleeping issues...and gray hair

100. What are your plans for tomorrow?
exam at eight. then chill. and chill some more.

in response to adair's...

1. What was going through your mind during your last kiss?
i really dont know.

2. How did you do on the last test you took?
i made an 88 and i was stoked.

3. What is your ringtone for when people text you?
some beep

4. What show did you last watch?
flip that house

5. Whose arms do you feel the safest in?
ive never really felt safe

6. What foods make you sick?
casseroles or stew with big pieces of meat

7. Do you get shy around the guy/girl you like?
ha im never shy

8. Do you remember what you were doing a year ago from yesterday?
probably being an idiot, i dont know

9.Have you ever loved someone?
yea, but always a little too late

10. Did he/she love you?
honestly, i don't know.

11. Do you have family problems?
doesnt everyone

12. Last meal you ate?
at my familys restaurant. yes, yes my dads side own a country diner...how awesome is that

14. Who are there pictures of in the room you're currently in?
kids at lincoln homes, middle school kids, friends, luci..

15. Name one thing people think about you that's not true.
i have no clue what people think about me

16. Do you give special ringtones to certain people?
no that cost monety

17. What's the weather like outside?
awesome

18. Have you ever seen a 3D movie in theaters?
yes.

19. How was your last relationship?
overall, good. i couldnt ask for better.

20. Where'd you get everything that you're wearing?
free

21. Do you text with T9-Word or ABC?
T9

22. Have you memorized your social security number?
yes

23. Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
yes, many

24. Who was the last person you couldn't keep your mind off of?
yea, it doesnt matter

25. What was the last advice you gave someone?
just hang in there..

26. What radio station do you listen to the most?
91.9

27. What was your worst grade last quarter?
we all fail test

28. If you died today, would there be anything you wish you could've said to someone?
more than you know

29. Are you on a youtube?
yes

30. What do you think about the person that last texted you?
haha, jacob hall is crunk

31. do you like your school?
sure

32. Why did your last relationship end?
go ahead and point the finger

33. Are you friends with any of your exes?
yes.

34. Are any of your exes on your top friends?
yes.

35. What's the last food you ate that was stale?
chips

36. Do you like to start rumors?
ha, how old am i

37. Who will you never forget?
too many

38. Have you ever questioned your sexuality?
no

39. What are you afraid of?
awaiting

40. What do you look for in a relationship?
i dont look anymore

41. Would you ever consider having a relationship with your best friend?
my best friend is a dude

42. What piercings do you want to get?
none

43. Have your friends ever seen you cry?
yes.

44. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
probably, freddy t

45. Can you do a push-up?
plenty

46. Are you self concious about your weight at all?
no

47. Have you ever had a panic attack?
no

48. Name the last time you got really anxious?
now

49. Would you ever consider moving back to your hometown?
here, and now i would even consider moving away. i love louisville.

50. Describe your laugh.
not enough.

52. How did you meet the last person you kissed?
long story

53. Are you currently going out with that person?
no.

54. Can you do the Crank Dat dance?
no.

55. Who sings the song you last sang?
train

56. Have you ever modeled for anything?
no

57. Plans for this weekend?
work, jesus

58. How was last weekend?
great

59. Have you ever been to California?
yes

60. How about New York City?
no, but i hope to be going

61. What's your favorite color to wear?
probably black

adair, do this one. im bored in political science class because all she ever does it talk about crap i dont care about, you know like the government. haha. but i think you and i are the only one of our friends that use this stuff, so do this survey. you can only use one word.


1. Where is your cell phone?
pocket

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
haha

3.Your hair?
gel'd

4. Work?
today

5. Your father?
ricky

6. Your favorite thing?
friends

7. Your dream last night?
strange

8. Your favorite drink?
grape

9. Your dream car?
motorcycle

10. The room you’re in?
stupid

11. Your pets?
lazy

12. Your fears?
lonely

13. Where do you want to be in 10 years?
married

14. Where did you hang out yesterday?
Rassas's

15. What are you good at?
piano

16. Eyebrow rings on the opposite sex?
na

17. One of your wish list items?
painting

18. Where you grew up?
clarksville

19. The last thing you did?
test

20. What are you wearing?
jeans

21. What aren’t you wearing
?

22. Do you currently like someone?
sure

23. Your computer?
mac attack!

24. Your life?
good

25.hungover?
haha no

26. Missing?
number 22

27. What are you thinking about right now?
food

29. Your work?
fun

30. Your summer?
enjoyable

31. Your relationship status?
single

32. Your favorite color?
green (jungle)

33. When is the last time you laughed?
earlier

34. Last time you cried?
sunday

35. School?
early

ill do this, since adair did.



THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
brandon
"b"
lil titty boy. yes i know it weird but thats what everyone at work calls me and its funny


THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
seeing my friends "do their own thing" and deny Christ.
the ocean.
not being good enough.



THREE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY:
hope.
faith.
good grades.

THREE THINGS YOU HATE:
not owning a jacket.
being really ridiculously bored


THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
prayer.
laptop.
car

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
cordory, sp? :)
camp fusion tshirt :)
and some socks.

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE (OR SAME) SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
their hope/faith.
their eyes.
and their hair.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
lately its been music/writing.
reading.
and good talks.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
knowledge.
wisdom.
a car that runs off of water.

THREE CAREERS YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
teacher.
business owner.
real estate.

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
me bryan and jamie are talking about going too:
peru,
rome,
or cancun.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
be the best husband and parent i can be.
build a small house for my wife.
go back to canada.

today while driving, i saw a really cool sunset. i wish i had a camera with me but i think someone is sending me pictures. im watching bruce almighty right now and i like it. ive had a good sunday.

dude, c.s lewis keeps it real. “The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal.”

my life consist of work, school, crummy bonfires, and trying my best to be hopeful. anyone else ready for some turkey?

Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about.

so many times i've wondered what defines me. in all honesty, work and school takes up most of my time; therefore, some could define me as the kid who works a lot or a student that makes mediocre grades. thats not how I want to be viewed as.

another thing that could define me would be a man of faults. ive messed up so much in my 19 years of living.i have: betrayed, lied, fallen, failed, hated, fooled and failed again. i do not want to be seen as any of these either. i don't want to be the kid who betrayed you or the one who crushed you once again.

but on the other hand of all these things, i have also: believed, hoped, trusted, dedicated, been of passion, gained hope again, and loved. Now, this I believe is what defines me. A growing child who longs to have Light to see and faith to hear.

Could you imagine if we defined each other by our faults- if that is all we saw in each other? What would we be like, how much worse could we really be as a community?

Good grief, love one another. everyone.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have agaisnt one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14

deleted all entries besides the five that matter to me.

no one uses this crap anymore.

okay.

As i sit here, i begin to collect my thoughts from this past Thanksgiving weekend. Ive never taken thanksgiving seriously, so this year i had decided that i was going to change it. So, let me tell you how much ive realized and what i am thankful for, in no particular order except the first one.

i am thankful for:
Christ- for fulfilling my life with complete satisfication and a love that noone besides Him will ever amount too.

My parents- for being the most understanding people in this world towards me. my father, whom ive learned to understand in so many ways for teaching the values of judgement in this world.

luci-for being my best friend and always hearing me out. for loving me when i didnt deserve it one bit. for striving to be the woman Christ is calling you to be. for calling me out when ive faltered. for sticking with me when ive felt like given up. for encouraging me to strive for the best. and simply just for holding my hand everynight when we are together.

knott family- for taking me in and treating me like your own. there is no greater feeling to be treated like family from you all. for playing a godly mother and father figure. for letting me be a brother to chase and be somewhat of a role model. haha, and for letting me date your daughter.

jessie/emily- everything you and your familys have done for me. for being my sisters in christ and bestfriends.

jim/bryan- for simply just listening.

theres so many more. i just have to head to bed for english in the morning. whenever you feel down, try and feel thankful. it will only make you feel better.

you belong with me, not swallowed in the sea. :)

these past two days have been alot of fun, ive been hanging out with luke alot. i watched pirates of the caribbean for the first time last night, it was pretty good. today me, luke, carter, and chase swam and hung out all day. needless to say it was very good. thursday ill be going to cincinatti with the middle school as a chaperone...haha. well, good night. oh by the way, while i watched the movie this quote caught my attention like no other.

A good decision can be a wrong decision if made for the wrong reasons.

"dang, the tables have turned."